About to enter its fourth year, this free monthly column is currently sent out to parents all over America. Written by ReBrilliance founder Robert Newberry, this column offers a thoughtful and timely perspective on topics relating to raising winning and achieving children.
The latest column from the SWC Letter
Better Than A Magic Pill
2008-02-05
Robert Newberry
I am sure that you, like most parents, would seriously consider administering a pill to your child if you knew that doing so would help him or her
-
make more and better friends;
-
achieve more in and out of the classroom;
-
avoid many of the negative risks we want our children to avoid;
-
become more successful beyond high school; and
-
handle difficult times more successfully.
Well, I know that no such pill exists, but if you are successful in engaging your child in the development and pursuit of goals, you will be well on your way to helping your child along the lines of that non-existent pill.
I have asked numerous young people in recent weeks about a phenomenon that occurs annually at this time of the year. Why is it, I ask, that health and fitness clubs, like Y's and others, become tremendously busy during the months of January and February with activity levels winding down through the spring to pre-January levels...only to replay this sequence again the following January and February?
Before too long, the kids usually realize that there might be a connection between the increased activity in January and the beginning of a new year and the desire of many for better health in the upcoming year. It is not too long before we begin talking about the concept of a New Year's Resolution and what it turns out to be for many-a desire to improve one's life in some respect only to be forgotten within a few weeks of setting it. I tell kids that I can talk about the oft failed intentions of New Year's Resolutions because I have been a culprit on many occasions myself!
The turn of the calendar from one year to another is a great time to reflect upon and consider improvements and aspirations. It's a great time to do so for adults and kids. However, there is a big difference, I tell kids, between a wish and a goal. To move from goal setting to goal attainment, children need to be taught about context, structure and repetition.
Setting goals, like thinking about New Year's Resolutions, is often exciting and exhilarating. But, for your child to embrace goal attainment, he or she must learn about such matters as hard work, persistence and being receptive to coaching and advice from appropriate adults. Goal attainment can sometimes be tedious and challenging. Setting the goal or resolution is only a beginning step in a much longer process. This is the context of goal attainment.
Goal attainment requires a structure. When done most successfully, your child should review his or her goals regularly with a positive and respected adult. This is a great opportunity for you to guide, teach and encourage your child in his or her pursuits.
Last, if your child is to move from goal setter to goal attainer, he or she must learn about the power that accompanies repetition. A constant drip of water seems powerless, but over many years this same drip can break down the biggest boulder. So too, your child must learn that persistence can often accomplish the most elusive goals.
All families have their own culture or unwritten rules that serve as the foundation for how family members think, behave and interact. Imagine creating a culture in your family that promotes and encourages family members to set and work towards the attainment of goals. What a powerful and positive way to impact your child! Every family requires leaders that influence and create that family culture. There is no better way to establish a family culture of goal setters than for the family leaders--parents--to set and pursue attainment of their goals. By your example, show your child the difference between what is for so many an empty process of setting and forgetting a New Year's Resolution and setting and attaining personal goals.
By helping your child develop goal-oriented or hopeful thinking, your child will develop qualities that no pill can offer. He or she will be happier, more successful and better able to handle the difficulties that life will invariably offer up. That is the power of goal setting done right!
